"Normal" the Word of the Month

It is quite perplexing to me that a very slim number of people are actually true to themselves. What is even more perplexing is when someone actually genuinely surprises me. I suppose it is because it does not happen often. In times like those moments I truly love humanity. That rare moment that people just shock you to your core. I often wonder what it would be like if people were not so worried about their outward appearance but yet focused on their inner uniqueness. If everyone was their own person and quit trying to be someone they were not suppose to be how great it would be. I am quite sick of people being disingenuous and always trying to please people. I wonder why I do not fit in, in most situations, I am always the odd man out even in an even number. However, I am starting to embrace my inner uniqueness more and I think people are uncomfortable with this. No one can accept that I have no hidden agenda. I know it is a hard concept for people to wrap their heads around but it tis true. Relish. This is the word that comes to mind when I think of those rare few who shock me to my core. Embrace. Is what we all need to do...just grab hold of whatever it is you love doing and express yourself! Live. Quite worrying about what others think and live your life and love doing it your way not some way that some person thinks it should be done. Lately I have been hearing a lot of people speak about normal. Guess what guys?! Everyone's perception of normal is different it is all what you each perceive it to be which is vastly different. Societies standards often have a perception of what is right but guess what else....... They do not know what normal is either. Normal is what you think it should be! If you think it is normal to walk around singing everywhere you go then you would think people quite odd if they didn't do so as well. If you are quite and reserved and you hear people being bousterous and causing a ruckous you would find them far from normal. Who caressssssssssss. Do what you want to do. We only live once and some us will be leaving a lot sooner than some others so why not do what you love. Live today for you not for others. Embrace your own "Normal". Much love to all you "Normal" people! 

Great Day Blogaholics

Today had an awful start but after I finally sort of woke up I got a lot done! What a progressive day..I love getting things accomplished. I saved us from spending a fortune on a bill that I shouldn't have to pay for...gotta love how someone will try to screw you over on your utilities because they think people don't read their bills! Got to go to my linguistics class and learn a lot of interesting stuff...altogether I have enjoyed today. I'm not looking forward to all the homework I'm about to have to do this week I'm thinking Wednesday is looking quite wonderful meh. Off to try and sleep since I got none last night. Goodnight blogaholics <3

Dreams are ever frightening what do they mean?

My grandpa and I live together. There is a part of me that feels somewhat happy I suppose. The oddest thing is he is dead in real life but very much alive in this dream. He is the one taking care of me at the same time he is my caregiver but yet not because I am myself. We must of been living near an airport. I was looking outside to see what was going on there was chaos everywhere. Huge planes were just dropping out of the sky like flies spinning out of control and crashing. At first I just saw the one plane and that was it then I saw others. I rushed to wake up my grandfather because walking out of all the chaos and flames were this white robots that looked kind of like the ones of star wars. There were people with them too who held guns. I saw them coming toward our house and I ran towards my room. I grabbed my grandpa on the way and told him to grab all his guns which is odd because I'm pretty sure growing up he didn't have any. We got to my room and I used my 9mm on the human guy but of course it jammed. I continued to try and shoot him numerous times. Each time leading to a failed shot somehow. For some reason I knew there were more guns but I didn't use them I'm not sure why. Then something strange happened my grandpa was gone not from dying not from anything in particular he just wasn't in my dream anymore. I talked with the guy he seemed nice but on his back on his left shoulder he had this weird piece of something in him with digital numbers and a weird spike thing in the middle. I said something about it being the end of the world because he was marked or something strange like that. The place that was where we were living turned into a school somehow and the room we were in was a school. There were lots of characters all of which I have no idea of why I would dream of but mostly women. At first we all tried to elude them and came up unsuccessful. Then we tried to escape our confinement one girl even tried to sleep her way out of the situation with sleeping with that human guy. I tried to escape through the ceiling and they didn't get how I got up there. Each room of the school was slowly being captured I guess. There were huge strange slides everywhere with people being tossed down them. There was this massive very odd looking elephant multicolored and I believe it was like a fruit chew but massive and it ate the children. I was jumping on the railing of the stairs and sliding down as fast as possible the opposite direction of this giant elephant thing. He was going up and I was going down and I think he heard me because he was heading after me. I was really scared of said giant weird elephant. There was a little boy on the slide his parents were there which was odd since it was a school he was saying he didn't understand what was going on they said they would see him soon. Even though we all knew they wouldn't. A priest who was kind of like the principal was going around giving people his blood and bread blessing them. He was truly scared you could feel it emanating from him. They were on my heels at every second no matter where I turned to. I am not sure what happened after the priest it gets fuzzy but I was really frightened and then I woke up.

Funny, Interesting, or Cool you decide...

It is quite interesting how far my blogs reach as gone over the good ole Internet...quite interesting indeed. Thank you for those who take the time to read what I have to say. For those who know me personally they know I live to have a voice and a say in life whatever it may be. However, for those who don't just know that I am glad that you too hear me through my writings. I hope that where ever you are at in your life and whatever you are going through this finds you and helps you through your current situations. Today has been quite a long day but I just wanted to give everyone a much needed thank you for hearing me. If you could all let me know what you think of each post not necessarily in a comment but in the remarks on if it is funny, interesting, or cool that would be wonderful. I hope everyone has a wonderfully fantastic amazing day and if not there is always tomorrow right? :)

Broken friendships litter our past struck down and left as scars on our souls

     It is sad to think that there are not true people in the world anymore. It is hard to believe that people think that someone would do something kind just merely to benefit themselves. It is sad to believe that they can't see someone as just doing a good deed and trying to be a nice person. Why do we all think the worst of people? We probably all think the worst of people when we are trying to figure them out...is it because we too were judged as if we were one of the worst people spoken of? No that is not why, we think this because there are so many people who have hurt us. Broken friendships litter our past struck down and left as scars on our soul.
     This reality is frightening. It is truly scary to know that we can't move onto true friendship with anyone due to what those in the past have done to us. We seem to think that we won't let those past relationships scar us like they do but we tend to always judge straight from the scar record book. It is like taking all your worst scores compiling them into one and using them as a basis to start from. When we shouldn't be doing this at all but the exact opposite. We should be compiling all our best scores and taking the topmost one and using it as a way to judge that starting point.
     Yet even using this method it can lead you astray right? Sometimes we think we just need to be wary and settle on middle of the road. Yet should we really? Should we just settle? It seems everyone else has, they don't hold anything up to any standards anymore not low nor high. They all just toss it where it may land and hope for the best. If something comes out of it great and if not who cares right? Well to go about life this way with friendships is the worst possible way to view it. You will only be let down and disappointed even if you thought you weren't holding them to any standards you still are subconsciously.
     We should all try and hold our future friend relationships to that higher standard. Don't necessarily settle if they don't add up but don't fold in your cards either. People need to realize that in order to be a great true friend they need to treat those around them as they want to be treated. I know that this a day old concept handed to most people by their mothers when they were little. Honestly though is it really that far from the truth? I know I personally want that one person who knows when you are down, sick, or just need a night out to de-stress. That person who is a caregiver to you as much as you are to them. The one who wants to help you just for the pure pleasure of making someone happy. Who doesn't expect anything from you or think that there is ploy behind every kind gesture.
     Perhaps there is a small ploy behind our actions but it is only the pure and simple act of us teaching others the art of true friendship. We mold people in our lives every second of every day. We hope for the best of the friendships we encounter. Even if they don't last remember that whatever does happen will leave a scar that someone else might have to face. Do you want to be apart of the lower or higher score record book? I personally would like to be the latter. So if you ever find yourself thinking why are they doing something this nice? Don't think it is because they want something from the person whom they are being nice to. Yet think of it as they are simply and purely being genuinely kind. Quite an odd concept I know but it is one to live by for those future record books. Don't scar those around you but set the bar.

Patiently Waiting

     Waiting it is an eternal thing you will have to do all your life. Yet still we do it even though every single one of us hates it with a seething passion. It is one of those inevitable things you have to deal with throughout your lifespan. Some of us take it with much patience while others nearly none I fear that I am the latter. We all try to deal with it and evolve our patience into something more manageable because in the end we wait for everything. Wait in traffic on our way to work. Getting a coffee. We wait for the one machine at the gym to open up so we can use it. We wait on hold...my biggest pet peeve. We wait in line at the gas station to fill up.
     No matter where you go in life chances are that you will be waiting to get there. The most favored place of waiting for the average every day American is the Airport. We arrive two hours early to wait in line to check in. We wait to check our bags. We wait in line to go through security scans. We get there early only to wait for our flight. I mean really this is the place that we pretty much are guaranteed to make ourselves wait the longest periods of time. Once we go through the chaos of waiting to get in the secure area we wait further for our plane to come. Most of us arrive entirely too early but we know that if we don't we will miss our flight in lieu of waiting to get through check ins and security checks.
     Why do we torture ourselves through this nonsense which most of us have such an extreme animosity towards? I suppose it is because it is inevitable. We know that no matter what in life we will have to wait most of the time. If you added up all the times you have waited in life imagine how many years you have spent doing so. For most of us its the one thing that draws us closer and closer to loosing our patience, eh hem..myself. However, we still deal with it and move on. If only all things in life that were inevitable were viewed as such. How much easier would we go through things if we knew it was something that was just as it was.
     If we all assumed all things were like waiting we would all still have a little less patience but maybe some underlying acceptance of what was going on. Of what exactly was to come because deep down we predict this ever looming waiting but we still seem to act as if it won't happen today. If only we all could view other things in this same light and when it happens maybe grow in our patience. I hope that if you are reading this you are understanding somewhat where I am coming from if not I'm sure you thought I was a rambling fool. However, here's to fools, rambles, and patiently waiting :)

PKD and Mental Remedies

Sometimes things in life shouldn't be this hard. I hate being a complainer because I use to be one all the time until one day a good friend of mine opened my eyes. However, sometimes you just have to let it out. Like seriously should life be this hard...all the stress no wonder I have health issues. I just have no one to talk to who will ever understand exactly what I'm going through health wise. It isn't something that will just magically go away because I eat differently and it isn't something that I did to myself. I WAS BORN THIS WAY. As much as it sucks to say it I have accepted it and yes it really sucks having to deal with all the crap I have to deal with. No one can get it and if you say you do well guess what you don't because unless you have everything the exact same as I do then maybe just maybe you can. It really frustrates me that people want me to explain or I just try to because it is stressing me out and they treat me like some kind of freak. Or they just try to be ridiculously positive it is sickening. I can't do anything about it I am trying to do better but when you get so bogged down with just trying to keep yourself afloat and you don't get a chance for yourself it is so tiring. I don't believe anyone can really understand that but God and I truly try to do my best in every situation but sometimes it is just so hard.

Only 61lbs more to lose! haha...

So after a long 5 days straight of working out I decided to take last Thursday off and planned on starting back working out on Friday however I decided to have a few friends over since it was finally Friday...Saturday morning rolled around and I ended up walking a little over a mile and a half and biked like 1.3 miles...I'm still getting use to my medicine which has me feeling all kinds of funky..gotta love that right?! However, after the 5 days straight I had lost 9lb...I was shocked!!!! Epically excited and so proud of myself. I am not sure if I will lose it quite as quickly b/c once you hit 10lbs it kinda slows down after that. Hopefully that isn't the case...but even if it is I am feeling a little better mostly. Except today my kidneys were hurting really bad but I still ended up working out. I was able to exceed my previous reps and do ten more in a few areas...some still need a little building but eh if I keep at it I'm sure it will get better. I just am going to have to take this process slower than I thought b/c of all the health crappola going on. I get so tired so easily and dehydrated really quickly not sure why but I've gone through so much water its ridiculous! Any who I know this is prolly a very boring post but I am trying to hold myself accountable by posting since I said I would. Hopefully I can reach my weight goal one day of losing 70lbs getting back to my doctors reg weight for my height. I'm so sick of them calling me obese its not even funny. So I'm going to count it 10lbs at a time...so only about 61 more pounds left to lose woo hooo....wish me luck and prayers!!!  Thanks lovelies!

P.S.-Pray for my aunt's mom Maw Maw White she is having surgery tomorrow...Thank you everyone!

The key word is Patience...

So much went on today and I just wasn't in the mood at all to work out...I'm sure you know those days when you want to just sleep and be a fatty. However.......I finally was able to talk myself into doing some working out...gah I'm going to be even more sore tomorrow but I am so way proud of me. I learned how to sign "patience" today and really that is what I need to learn, it will take some patience on my part to see what I want to happen. Whew God has an amazing way of teaching us how to be a better us...I can't wait to see how I grow physically and spiritually while working on myself inside and out...Hopefully I do it all right...this post is short and sweet but I'm posting after all right?? ......until next time.

Day two sore and bruised :/

Day two not as accomplishing as yesterday but hey I did some yoga so I didn't feel dreadful for not doing anything. Tomorrow after my ladies group I'm going to do more of the stuff from day one...and possibly more yoga to help me stretch the soreness away..I feel so much better after stretching it all away...now to bed before I die! Goodnight blogging lovers!

1 of 60.....Pure Hysteria

So today was the first day that I officially started working out due to migraines all weekend and the calendar says to start on a Monday :) So I've decided I am extremely out of shape...all the months upon months of feeling dreadful have led to my lack of activity...so the warm up today well lets just say it was more of a workout for lil ole outta shape me! But hey you have to start somewhere right?! All I have to say is after the warm up and half way through the fit test I thought I was going to die. The doc told me today to not over do it b/c I am having some other health crappola going on so I decided the sound of my heart pounding through my chest about to explode was my hint to say that was enough for today. Eventually I will be built up enough to do more and more and eventually...hopefully soon lol...I will be able to finish the warm up and fit test hahahaha! I'm laughing at myself the whole time doing this absurdity b/c I spent it thinking what...why would you do this to yourself?! I'm hoping to see improvements though! My doc...and yes I said doc b/c this lady is a real live actual doctor and not a PA put me on new meds b/c apparently the old meds make me gain weight..wonderful right?! So I'm hoping these help and don't make me gain anymore...ehh we shall see...and doc said that she is going to do a ct scan on my head Thursday to figure out what is up with the astronomical amount of migraines I've been getting..which if that gets fixed I will be in a lot better mood and more likely to workout woo hoo...I'm so stoked...now lets see if I feel the same tomorrow when I wake up feeling like I got hit by the Titanic.